Between dreams and reality

it was epic indeed.
regardless of what people might say it was epic.
that unless federer faces nadal its not worth watching.

congrats to both, though I love roger more but roddick you sure did put up a good fight.
ah also it was great to see that pete sampras was there today.



I hope you can successful move onward with more grand slam titles. and wishing you a happy healthy new family member :D 

ARGH!!!!!! 

sometimes I wish I can just forget everything, don't care and just walk away from life! period!! 
Its frustrating that school is less than three months away and what I see is a whopping total of 60grand purely on loans just to cover my master degree.

with my current loans from undergrad I would say be in debt with around close to 80 grand. fuck
Fuck
Fuck
FUCK! 

I am worry-wart I am looking at my prospect future of being a family therapist as I am new and inexperienced the salary caps from 35-50/yr
and currently what do I make 33/yr as being a government employee I jump a class every year so I may reach that cap without having to pay 60grand for a damn degree....
do I go for this career that I always dream of ....
or just let it rest as a dream and walk on realistically and with a stress-free, repetitive desk job

as I sit here I am thinking can I continue this lifestyle for the next year or two. Sure, I made it for a whole year now. How about another 5 years. Maybe, but.... I don't know.
and my sister ask me can I continue this life 10 yrs down the road, I was dumbfounded. I don't know because I then ask myself can I settled down as a family therapist 10 years down the road. its my ultimate goal. but I never settle something for a long period of time.
my head hurts
my heart is wavering
I am lost in words.

f**k you

damn stupid ratings in japan ah I forgot its the kantou region only, but that still doesn't make it any better

how can it just go down like 8pts and raise f**king 7 pts

go screw yourself damn anti-fans whatever you are or maybe

in just a couple hours i'll turn 23 .... and already i feel like an old lady. as in like i feel so jaded mentally and physically on my way to work today i saw a couple of girls talking about how glad they're that today they'll be done with exams and graduation is the only thing they need to focus on ... i remember feeling the same way when i was about to graduate from high school and college too!!! just the thought of school and exams and those retarded and nonsense essays is ridiculous but now i want them back in my life ... it sound so stupid of me to wish for those days where 3-4 hrs of sleep,red bull every other week and constant cramming of hundred of pages of pure nonsense ... yes NONSENSE because i learned the most important lesson during the last months of graduation ...sad but too late to regret abt things now but anyway the real world is technically the real world... and doing something that you don't really like for say about a year and half now is very hurtful its that feeling like you're wasting time and doing nothing. 

ah well grad school will start soon. I want that passion again I want that same intense rush of wanting to learn regardless of how much suffering it requires, I'll endure it. because it became the ultimate goal right now to become a family therapist.

the recent ks by ks brings up a huge sore spot for me... i know that people change all the time and the dream that one set up at merely 12 yrs old don't technically foretell anything but still it bother me sometimes Whether does he regret for not making it to the pro baseball ... as one of the defending theories to why kame work so hard and gives his best to everything he does is because of his unfullfill dream .... sigh

this may just me over thinking things
but then again over analyzing is awesome too!!! the recent reports is buying me a one way ticket straight to psy ward or fine in the less bizarre scenario ... my cheeks hurt from smiling so wide people must be thinking there must be something going on with this girl staring at her phone screaming OMG!!!!! all the time

life is so good with KAT-TUN especially with akame love

Happy 23rd Birthday!!! 



please to never fail surprising me with your creativity!!!

first and foremost Happy Chinese New Year!!! 

I am alive!!! but not as a live as KAT-TUN , I am late I know but 7 days in Tokyo Dome!!!! and here I am thinking and planning that they'll have like a open dome concerts but this sounds better. I just hope they get plenty of rest before and after this. I wonder what are the planets they'll be picking.

I can see a hole in my wallet right now. 2 singles and a con goods and I am sure a album is making its way around May too......


I seriously need to start robbing banks if they'll keep this pace up



on the other hand, I finally got into grad. now that I got into grad school paying for it is a whole other level here. I think I need to scramble for 2-3 grand in order to cover everything and that is including all the loans that I'll be borrowing.

****sigh*****


suddenly I am remembered by that lovely phrase
"...so help me god..." 


gotta watch kami no shizuku and yay rescue torrent just came out!!!

even though its too early to be making this list but with so many awesome news let me just make it up right now

1. Queen of Pirates DVD - who ever doubt that this won't be coming but johnny-san gave us a extra loving new years gift with mult-angle ai no command and six sense. who is going to complain about that!!! 
2. Kami no Shizuku - man! that was a long wait, I dread over how every season I don't see his name on the list and how much I cry for every movie announcement kamenashi kazuya is no where found!!! but we got you now!! I took a quick glimpse of the manga just to get the general understanding of the story. I am not really sold.... but give me the rest of the cast and crew! 
3. Bandage - I have no words.... really none because I am going to go crazy when this comes out!!
4. Rescue - there is no way I am skipping this after knowing how our daddy is afraid of heights. wee!!! this is going to be great
5. White X-mas - how I cannot forget this ....... we know the boys are going to be top but I am interested in the numbers. I know I am a bad one, I shouldn't be like this but it still kills my brains that johnny have 2 editions and 1 with only 1 song. is this suppose to be like a challenge or something... D: 

nevertheless I am thankfull I got my goodies and the lovely promotions that will be available .....



gahhh!!! why why why why you're breaking me in pieces the snow that look
dear pv please to sneak your way in the lovely dark spots of the internet to relieve fangirls from going crazy you'll save a lot of screaming and howling!!!

WE WON 
THE PHILLIES FINALLY WON!!!! 

WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS

its been so long that I post something I almost forgot how to do so.

been through so many sidetracks lately that its scary.

but still haven't forgotten about the lovely shinnies and dear Kame.

though one series got me rolling in tears everytime is this hong kong drama which is really surprising - the Moonlight Resonance is actually really good like wow me every time.



I don't think there has been any series that I cried so much, basically almost every eps. will catch someone in tears. but still I gotta say some parts were too boring. overall, the veterans rocks and thumbs up for Tavia!!!

OMG!!!

I love this movie so MUCH!!!
definitely the best movie of the summer. Wall-E is just so sweet.

yes I am touch and so so so so in loved with it!!!

      
he is just too adorable !!!!

website

~~~~~I GRADUATED~~~~~

FOR THE LAST TIME ......WE ARE PENN STATE

bombed


I don't have a good feeling

GREs here I come............


sigh

my lovely boys just became the queen of pirates!!!!
yay
they never fail to amuse me, regardless whether is it queen or whatever kat-tun manage to pull through it.
now that I have a clearer mind totally love Don't u ever stop! the beginning remind me a little of GOLD but not necessary a bad thing because I love GOLD!
but the lyrics, especially the akame lines yea, the fangirl of me just can't stop! squeeing !!!!!!

though, I have 2 more weeks to deal with school and I am done
dear Bachelor of Psychological and Social Science,
you've kicking my ass for the past 4 years like nothing in the world. now that I regain my freedom please to rest in peace and land me a good job!!!


so lame I know but grad school application is coming good!! all hopes and crosses on may 9th

but right now, lovely congrats to myself for surviving college a 4 nights and 5 days trip to Niagara Falls
Yes!! another road trip! I love going on road trips even though gas prices are the killer thing but its fun being on the road.
if only I can get my passport done on time, Canada here I come. I really hate to be stuck on the NY border. I want to see as much as I can!!!
even though my sis advise me to go somewhere else like orlando, florida or something I don't know I want to see the Falls more than watching a bunch of kids going wild. because most likely I'll turn into one of them too. :D
I am not really focusing on the ending of the semester much because all I think about is the trip. help someone please

Graduate school admission process is ten times worse comparing to how I first applied to college. there is no encouragement when telling a student that is interested in your program that oh by the end of this year we'll probably receive around 50 applicants but only accept 15. oh wait thats not all, he goes on well we don't really weigh the GRE scores very highly we just like to use it as a basis for comparing with your GPA. not to mention your tone of voice kills. oh alright thanks dude for crushing our dreams.
I hate the fact that they preach the future is in your hands yet, no honey its not! no where near our hands. right now my future, my life is on the hands of this guy here and sadly to say as much as I want to get in I don't think there is a high possibility.

my stressful life continues as I lost my flash drive today. just somewhere on campus. I don't know where but the bulk of my THESIS is there. I truly didn't know what to feel I was too tired to actually respond to anything but yea. my thesis, my research project, my final project as a undergrad. tell me someone how can I graduate. someone shoot me now!!!

thesis paper - according to my dear friend

which is exactly true. my god please tell me to never like doing research and investigation. and curious about how people define and categorize normality. BECAUSE I AM STUCK IN THIS SITUATION WHERE I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS NORMAL ANY MORE!!!!
my lovely 2 weeks has been something like this
8 shots of expresso in less than 12 hrs ---> not good
marathon 2 books (300+ pages each) in 24 hr span ----> typical college student studying habits
walking like a zombie around campus and to work ---> very typical of a college student
pulling a all nighter for a test less than 10 hrs ----> very "me" - ish

my week doesn't end here as I still have to finish on my rough, I mean really rough draft of the thesis. everything is in place minus the conclusion. I hope my thesis advisor cut me some slack.

but yay!!! I am waiting for reply to my graduate school. it actually feels great to continue moving up higher in the field that you have passion for.

though nothing beats the new that KAT-TUNstyle will feature kame on friday along with koki being back with junno. though, I wonder what jin will be doing now that he is not on KTstyle. not that he needs KTstyle to maintain his fame or anything. but I am wondering will he land on a movie for a solo work or a concert. I know kame is probably overkilled right now so producers when everything like db is over please to cast kame and jin on whatever movie or drama.

I really what this last semester to be over with, I still got this stupid midterm/essay, test, and discussion readings to do. WHY WHY WHY

I think we spoiled them too much, since alex got 2 cakes seems like we gonna have to get cherie 3 for her 6th years old birthday

you can go to hell

goffman, garfinkel, hacking, berger, and zerubavel why so wordy!!

a simply definition of normality you have to draw freaking pages of crap!!

oh, why do you have to be so complicated?
why
why
why

for the life of me I just can't get this damn thing done.
I am so so so doom as the rough draft is freaking due tomorrow I just hope my thesis advisor is okay with a rough, rough, rough draft

and the dream boys good make my wallet jump. I expect I'll be spending another load.
would someone like a arm or leg, kidney anybody?

yah basically the subject line says it all.

I can't really eat anything for the next month or so just for my gums can heal. this is why I hate going to the dentist!!! but damn him or giving me that mental pic of losing my teeth now I am scared shitless to really chew anything.


oh the side note. my KAT-TUN calendar came!!!! yesasia was faster than cdjapan *is surprised* and yup I think I became a collector freak I ordered 2. my spending habits really need to change but this fandom makes it so much harder.

talking about fandom. I really think KAT-TUN needs to shake things up. whatever they're doing its good, but they sure need to do more. I just feel as though they need another hit. it can be anything. a single, album, movie anything just something that can stimulate more attraction that'll push them forward and reaching out to a different age group. we all saw the little poll thing on Best Artist last year, its not so surprising to see that KAT-TUN is dominating the teens and obaa-sans but somehow they need to score a better ground for 20s and 30s. I mean sure they only debuted for like 2 years with a awesome fanbase but how long can our boys last with just the wild and sex appeal. I am not saying this is going to happen tomorrow or so but just imagine that selling that below 300k mark. I mean I was dying each and everyday waited for the oricon numbers to come out. like there are just so much pressure for them to sell well. like when talking about the je world and speaking of kt you expect them to get the numbers. but how long can this persist? I don't want to see the boys being in that spot and feeling pressure. or probably they don't even take the numbers like that. but with the the Billboard available in Japan now there will be new levels and may even be higher levels to achieve.

still this is my my own rant.

I am having some weird imaginations having another big company doing some promotions would be great.  I want toyota or some japanese car company to offer KAT-TUN some advertisement. so we get to have lovely hot, sexy boys + super elite, sport cars = ULTIMATE WIN!!!!!

but most of all I want a AKame movie!!! please producer make that come true!!!!